Out of nowhere, you feel like not texting each other straight away and spending hours without talking to each other doesn’t seem that bad. “Oh that’s fine I’ll call him back later. It shouldn’t be important” while catching up with a friend whereas before, you would have texted him saying that you would ring him when you can.
What’s going on? You now lead a monotonous relationship and it becomes so much that being away from each other for a while would seem like a relief. You start moaning about him to your friends and he does the same to his. Things have become rocky between you two. You barely talk of things that excite you and don’t do things for two any more. If you do it’s because you feel obliged to. You then become distant…
It almost becomes too much to bare now.
But, what about everything you’ve built together? The memories? The silly photographs taken on a holiday to Sounion in Greece? Are you just going to let them vanish like that?
Truth is neither of you is willing to put in an effort any more. Both of you want your way out because you are tired of that monotonous life together. You seek something new, you miss the independent life you once led. Or maybe, you just wish you were somewhere else away from each other. So yes, you are willing to give up on everything you had, on everything you built together.
All of the sudden, those moments don’t seem to be worth a lot. You become a nuisance in each other’s sight. Not because you don’t love each other, but because you grew tired of the routine. The same-same, the familiar, the comfort zone.
You confine your frustrations and doubts with your closest friends. What to do? You still love him, no doubt in that! But is this relationship healthy? Does he feel the same as you? Admit it, you’ve become saturated!
You are both suffering with this whole situation, until the day when you know what you have to do – to have that conversation.
And the rest, we can all guess how it goes!
You see, people change! Not always the feelings necessarily, just how we are around people, in different situations, generally just how we live our lives. Some seek the new all the time, while others well, they just change. As the changes take place, it may lead to actions which then affect the relationship.
Sometimes, it gets too much that both cannot simply cope and then the inevitable happens – the break up. Some may see it as a relief point while others suffer with this decision.
Eventually, both part different ways and you doubt you will stay friends with him even though you both agreed to keep in contact as there was no drama, bad blood or any third party involved.
At first it feels weird – what about those butterflies, those so waited texts messages? Those late night long conversations on the phone or even when you were in a relationship already, all the memories. The cheesy chick flicks you made him watch with you? The long walks with your dog whom he adopted as his already. Where did all that go?
You cry, you’re in pain and he probably is too! But you just assume his partying up celebrating the good riddance of you. But is not true! He just has a different way of dealing with all this.
You still have each other on Facebook, hoping neither of you will get into a new relationship any time soon. You still love him as much as he loves you but at the same time you feel as a breeze of fresh air being away from him. Maybe a break up was too drastic?
Too late, it has been done! So slowly both of you start to move on. He goes off on an all boys holiday somewhere in Spain and so do you with your girl friends. Only that to be different, you choose Italy instead. You know of this because he’s been tagged on his friends’ photos. Deep down you worry he might have met someone and even the thought of him having a holiday fling haunts you.
At that point you haven’t heard nor seen him for months. And you’re okay with it. But there are times when you are tidying up your things and you come across with a few polaroid photos of you two here in this very apartment, having a relaxed night in, acting silly. Suddenly, being in the comfort of your home and doing nothing especial doesn’t feel that bad.
You also find his shirt which still smells of him, that scent you were once addicted to. Remember? You suddenly remember his strong and muscular embrace, sleeping in his arms while having your head comfortably rested on top of his chest. Glued to the shirt is one of those silly post-it notes he left before he went to work one day where he says he loves you. Does he still?
This thought quickly leaves your mind as you shake your head and put all these in a box. You name it “memories”. Your dog looks at you and knows that look in your face, he too misses him.
But maybe he doesn’t even think of you any more. Maybe he met someone and is living those same moments you once did, with someone else…Maybe still hurts you more than you think.
Then, it comes to a point when you are not even friends any more, not even on Facebook. Why would you? It’s not like you’re still in contact. Matter of fact, the last time you’ve spoken was during the few weeks after your break up, perhaps only out of courtesy.
But then not even Facebook any more? You even have that third cousin you never met on Facebook, so why don’t you have him any more?
Maybe it’s a sign that you should definitely start afresh now. So your best friend, tired of seeing you down, sets you up with someone. You go out on a few dates with few guys. You are becoming yourself again. He’s becoming a distant memory now. And if must, you allow yourself to have some flings but not entirely ready for a relationship for whatever reason it might be – lack of time, lack of motivation, not up for it, cannot be bothered…
The problem is not the guys you meet, you’ve actually met very nice guys who are boyfriend material. But you just can’t be bothered. Time has made you lazy. So whenever you feel like things are getting serious with someone, you back out from it. You feel as it still doesn’t feel completely right with anyone you have met recently.
Then one day, without even expecting it, you accidentally bump into each other at a café on a Sunday morning, one of those where you used to go together. Remember those days? It came flashing right back at you, didn’t it? Right as you once again cross in each other’s paths after 10 months without seeing each other… That’s almost a year, wow you cannot believe it either!
He haven’t changed much, but you in the other hand…You did, oh so much growing up you went through! You thought you had moved on from him, in fact you were doing well not seeing him. But then he had to show up in front of you again, didn’t he? Just to mess it all up once again!
Just once, that’s all it took – to see him once again and that’s it, your knees have gone weak, your heart skipped a beat and everything you taught yourself during that moving on phase just evaporated puff!
But what about him? What is he thinking as he stands right in front of you? He looks surprised, no doubt about that but what else? As far as you know, he has moved on and who knows if he has a lady waiting for him just outside in the car? It can’t be, can it?
You then slip a few words out first “Hi! Long time no see” in which he replies “Hello stranger! How are you doing? Long time indeed”
During that 6 minute catch up, you both quickly fill each other in with not so much interesting facts about yourselves during those last 10 months. “Nothing much just the usual, work, a bit of socialising and just living the life really!” one of you say. Funny though, how neither of you dare to ask if either have met someone already? Maybe it’s not correct on your first meeting after this long to jump straight to the question.
But really? Why didn’t you ask? It’s not like you’re not curious, right? Or you’re still not prepared for the answer?
As you say your goodbye because you just don’t know how to act any more or simply forgot how to be you, you give him a quick awkward yet longing hug with a “nice seeing you” and then you slowly walk away. He then gently calls out your name…you stop there and then! Deep down, you were hoping it would happen or that something would happen that would stop you from walking out that door without having the guarantee that you will see him again..
But why is he calling out for you? A thousand thoughts run into your mind at 200 mph. You slightly turn your head around to face him, he suggests that you should meet up sometime when you’re both free, for a good catch up. Even though you know you shouldn’t, you still smile and say yes! You then respond in a slightly cheeky manner: “You still have my number don’t you?”
Once out of the café, you feel a tingling feeling inside, you’re not sure where it comes from. The butterflies you believed were retired a long time ago have now returned and you don’t know why but everything you felt when you first met, is coming back again. Being away from him does not feel like a relief any more but as a punishment…
So, question – have the feelings actually vanished? Or were they just asleep? Note that in this tale, a lot can happen within xyz years – they were once strangers, they met, they were deeply involved and in love with each other and then, they allowed themselves become strangers again but not quite.
They have certainly left a great impact in each other’s lives. So much so that it changed them completely and even when meeting again after all that time, they cannot act indifferent to everything they lived together. This may mean that their story might never have an end. Or it may mean that they are not meant for each other and their story was never meant to happen.
In my opinion, if you’re still friends with your ex, it can mean two things only – Either the feelings are still there or they were never there at all!
I’ll leave you to decide on the ending of this tale.
My own ending will just be kept open because if it’s meant to be it will simply be. Besides a true love story is nothing without some big bumpy rides. ;)
“Happiness will follow…”